Made of failure, constructed of disappointment, she is set down before Beautiful with her empty bowl and her crushed being. Twisted and untruthful, plank-eyed and a great arm for stone throwing, she is brought to Beautiful and placed on her mat, given her bowl. Her portrait is a glossy masterpiece in Vermillion in Prussian Blue.... Continue Reading →
I get tired. I sleep on the job. I look around but I do not watch. I love the trees-- how they dwell in their grassy silent chambers. And I hate wandering on the edge of those gardens of knowing the terror is only just ahead-- but not yet. I would feel safer in a... Continue Reading →
From under the stones- in a flurry of sticks- the weapon bursts outward. The weapon is singing a song. The mission has a soundtrack. Lists, signposts, a return address: they mark the map I follow. I want to hold the weapon-- for protection for promise for prosperity. It seems to have new batteries though. The... Continue Reading →
Find yourself planted for three years in a place people typically stay for only one. Congratulate yourself on all that personal growth you did in Hawaii. Think about all the people you know who might have cancer. Plan a productive day. Damn the constantly dirty floor to Hell. Think about writing. Go to the gym.... Continue Reading →
They have to leave us. They try to do it strongly. We have to let them go. We try to do it gracefully. They have to go far away. We have to stay put. But it doesn't always happen fast. Sometimes it drags out over days. Days of waiting to leave. Days of knowing they... Continue Reading →
This past week I had occasion to call an ambulance. Twice. The first time was especially great because I was also obliged to leave my screaming husband and screaming baby in the exam room so as to run across the hospital to the parking lot where I had to move my car in order for... Continue Reading →
When we had a non-carpeted eating area (ah, the sweet sweet regret of yesteryear), one of the kids' chores was to sweep the floor after dinner. On this particular day, Bella was wearing her paper crown from school--Happy Birthday Bella! scrolling in gorgeously sparkly glitter around it. Bella, from the floor with her dust pan: "Since... Continue Reading →
Hawaii is widely acknowledged as paradise. And of course it's beautiful. It's fantastically beautiful and fantastically strange. I arrived here with the generic Hawaii expectations: Hula girls, ukuleles, beaches, drinks with little umbrellas in them. But I also arrived with my bad attitude and reluctance to give even a rat's ass about any of it,... Continue Reading →
First of all: No. You haven't lost time--it has been mere days since I last posted, not months (as is my custom). You weren't expecting to see me again so soon, and honestly I wasn't expecting myself to have anything to say so soon. That is because we internalize, Precious. We internalize like a mofo.... Continue Reading →
