In Which Lazarus Goes Pet Shopping

Driving all together through the Kansan Frozen Tundra on a Friday afternoon: Bella: "Can we get a horse?" Me: "No." Bella: "Why?" All the reasons. Bella: "How about a cheetah?" Sam: "You wanna die? Get a cheetah as a pet." Auggie: "When we die, we will see Jesus!" Sam: "You wanna see Jesus super fast?... Continue Reading →



Saturday we decided to have a family day by going out to lunch at McDonald's and then Christmas money splurge shopping at Walmart. It seemed like a good plan. Until I returned home, as one crawling to shore, clutching their remaining tattered garments and taking inventory of appendages unscathed, after having survived a pirate attack... Continue Reading →

Roll Initiative

I've been tasked with writing a Dungeons and Dragons adventure for my family. (Nearly every word about this sentence would have given me pause 20 years ago.) The stratosphere of social coolness levels aside, D&D is a complex game. There are lots of charts. Mathematics are involved. One finds oneself saying things like, "What a... Continue Reading →

Freaking Lippizaners, man

Once upon a time I lived in Germany. And one day I went to a ball at Heidelberg Castle. True story. And that's where the glamour ends. Cuz this story is about me. It was summer. There were lots of people in the dining hall. There was no air-conditioning. I was pregnant, was wearing a... Continue Reading →

Lego My Ego, My Precious

It's PCS season, moving season. It is usually around this time, the two-year mark, that I become surly, jealous, restless, and resentful as I watch friends and strangers pack up their lives and get ready to start over somewhere else. I love moving. I love the prospect of arriving at a new place where nobody... Continue Reading →

Craigh Na Closet

My family recently had occasion to celebrate a huge milestone event. Photos were taken.  Anxiety and Excitement, meant to be taken like swift shots of tequila and then ridden out before the taste could settle, turned into a waterboarding theme park. Toddlers were in rare form. Parking was challenging. Winds rendered time spent on arranging hair pointless. Lighting was harsh.... Continue Reading →

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