We Put the “ER” in Sleepover

They'd planned it for weeks. The preparations were extensive. A double sleepover: 2 friends, 2 days, 2 nights. Bella was to turn 9 and I was to turn 107 by the end of it. We were about an hour into the happy chaos, everyone settled down before the TV with their hotdogs, and almost immediately... Continue Reading →

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In Which I Discover I’ve Been Using a Fake ID

A few short weeks ago I was waxing lyrical about the repetition of significant events in my life. I went on to wax philosophical and theological about Lazarus and the two extra days of waiting. I waxed all kinds of crap about all kinds of things and was feeling very spiritually perceptive and, let's just... Continue Reading →

In Which Lazarus Goes Pet Shopping

Driving all together through the Kansan Frozen Tundra on a Friday afternoon: Bella: "Can we get a horse?" Me: "No." Bella: "Why?" All the reasons. Bella: "How about a cheetah?" Sam: "You wanna die? Get a cheetah as a pet." Auggie: "When we die, we will see Jesus!" Sam: "You wanna see Jesus super fast?... Continue Reading →

Mutiny

Saturday we decided to have a family day by going out to lunch at McDonald's and then Christmas money splurge shopping at Walmart. It seemed like a good plan. Until I returned home, as one crawling to shore, clutching their remaining tattered garments and taking inventory of appendages unscathed, after having survived a pirate attack... Continue Reading →

Roll Initiative

I've been tasked with writing a Dungeons and Dragons adventure for my family. (Nearly every word about this sentence would have given me pause 20 years ago.) The stratosphere of social coolness levels aside, D&D is a complex game. There are lots of charts. Mathematics are involved. One finds oneself saying things like, "What a... Continue Reading →

Freaking Lippizaners, man

Once upon a time I lived in Germany. And one day I went to a ball at Heidelberg Castle. True story. And that's where the glamour ends. Cuz this story is about me. It was summer. There were lots of people in the dining hall. There was no air-conditioning. I was pregnant, was wearing a... Continue Reading →

Lego My Ego, My Precious

It's PCS season, moving season. It is usually around this time, the two-year mark, that I become surly, jealous, restless, and resentful as I watch friends and strangers pack up their lives and get ready to start over somewhere else. I love moving. I love the prospect of arriving at a new place where nobody... Continue Reading →

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